a night to remember. campfires always see me through the dark time and i find myself in a place where i can see future, feel sad, be happy and mostly just feel what i need to feel. no where is everywhere at a fire when the flames are as blue as the purple in my leaves, and the coals are as red hot as as the place in my shorts when i think of breasts and moans.

they twinkle in the darkness like sharing ancient secrets and i smile. the fire is blinding when i try to see my forest faeries. they know the language of the stars and they tell me that i should remember it before i forget it. i am saddened by the secrets they share while i am unplugged from the group… lost, unaware in the shadow of what i think i thought i was thinking i knew i had no place with anyone. and that can be ok.

no one will understand you like you do. it’s the only thing that matters.

i am leaving tomorrow. and i don’t know when i will “come home” or if i will even have that again for the rest of my life. i know now what struggle is and what a burden the cash money of life is. i am frustrated and repressed by all things societal and sporadical, and i haven’t even left yet. oh well. time that bastard old bitch will see me through to the other side one way or another. like this show on history channel showed me once, where you shit, can sometimes make you a whole new beginning. no sunlight needed.

and she came back to glen. all yellow and browns and reaking of everything wonderful, she almost stopped my world all over again. what joy she is. what light. and what a fine tuned love letter i could write! my, she is a dream, and i will miss her “as when while where” i go. i wonder if i will cry, even knowing that where her jingle bell goes, she goes.

i hope will smith smoked with uncle phil. puffy eyes, florescent windsuits, and all that bro cap can offer.

i dreampt of a turtle, a dream a dream a dream, oh what a dream it was. it was bigger than a child, and would not be caged. it bit my ankles, glared at me sullenly, and i remember crying. tears, streaming down my cheeks as i struggled to catch, and contain this beast of thunderous attraction. thats all that stayed contained in my memory, but i wonder often, since i’ve experienced it, if there is a meaning that i should unearth and uproot.

i wonder what’s meant of this turtle and i. i hope that we are kindred spirits and that i am not meant to be contained amongst all that wire and discontent. but mostly, i hope wherever he is and wherever i am, the sun shines often, and the flowers appear as often as the guilt does. for me anyway.

i love you.

keli